i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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