I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
