God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
