Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
