Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
