I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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