I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
