I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
