just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize