loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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