You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
