I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
even my farts smell like vagina
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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