I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
