you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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