your room smells of hookers.
And success
I puked a lego.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
