Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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