I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
