I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
