"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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