my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It's blow job season.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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