The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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