We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
