I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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