Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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