i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
