someone threw a dead crab at me
You work out of a Hotel?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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