Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
