You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
