C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Drake has all the answers
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
