This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
