I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
