I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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