this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
