I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
