I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
only if we run a train.
done.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
