hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
