Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
