ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
