how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
