I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Success! We fucked roommates!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
