he thought i was a dude.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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