just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
