I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
