Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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