does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Dicks are not precious.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
