I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
