I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
