So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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