Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
