He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
