I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
