my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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