Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
