I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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