I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Sorry about my life...
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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