Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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