I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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