I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
