I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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