watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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