Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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