all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
