We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
