If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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