my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
This is the prime rib incident all over again
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i need some magic done to my vagina
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
